In the wake of recent global events, many of us find ourselves grappling with how to balance our desire to protect our children with the reality of an increasingly connected world. A handful of parents have asked me how they should approach conversations with their children about worrying world events like the shooting at Bondi Beach, ongoing wars, and headlines predicting uncertainty on the road ahead. I would like to share modern best practice and what I’ve gleaned from 30 years of working with children.
My main advice is this: children process information differently than adults so we must be aware of our ‘adult lens’ and compensate for it. A seven year old will interpret a news story very differently to a twelve year old who has had History lessons about World War II and other world conflicts. Check your own battery first: Before speaking, take a moment to regulate your own emotions. Children take their cues from your tone and body language. If you are visibly worried or nervous, they will be too. Focus on the helpers: As the famous advice goes, always point out the people who are helping; medics, rescuers, and kind strangers. This shifts the story from helplessness to hope.
For Pre-Prep children, use simple language: “There is a big fight happening far away, but you are safe here with us”. For children in Middle School, ask, “What have you heard at school?”. Listen first, then gently correct any scary misinformation. Where did they hear this? In a lesson or in the playground? How might things you hear in the playground be less reliable than things teachers say in lessons? For Upper School children, focus on their media literacy. Where has this information come from? If, inevitably, the answer is online, what can they tell you about the reliability of online sources and the concept of “fake news”? Be open to honest conversations and some big questions about life. Watch a reputable source together, like BBC Newsround, and discuss how news is reported.
In any time of stress or uncertainty, whether global strife or moving house, maintain routines. A predictable, everyday routine provides comfort and stability. For example, knowing that bedtime is always the same time and football practice is on Saturday provides an essential sense of stability. School of course remains a constant in their lives, and a place where they are happy and safe. Finally, it is perfectly okay to say, “I don’t know the answer to that, but we can find out together”, or “That makes me feel a bit sad, too. “Honesty builds trust, and having the conversation is far more important than having the perfect explanation.
As you have seen from recent features in the Newsletter, we foster civilised debate and discussion at St Christopher’s with the aim of building a better world, and understanding the complex nature of issues where not everyone agrees.
As always, let us know if your child is worried about anything. An independent listener can often be the key to finding solutions.
Ms Elizabeth Lyle, Head